Vent of the week

"For 10 years I have been nice, and I am ready to throw in the towel.  I have never been mean to her, I have always tried, no matter how hard, to be nice, thinking that eventually she will realize that she was wrong. 

When we were first married I called my MIL "my new mother", she told me to never ever call her mom again, her name was XXX and I should use it.  Her husband heard her and was so embarrassed by her aggressive tone, he immediately came out and told me he would be honored if I called him DAD. 

When we were first married I made a beautiful wedding album for her, she glanced at it for about 5 seconds and threw it on the couch.  I had spent hours and hours trying to create something so special for her, and was so hurt. 

I gave her a beautiful 8 X 10  picture of her one and only grandchild, she handed it back to me and asked for a wallet size because she had no place to put it, despite living alone in a 4 bedroom house. The next year I gave her wallet sized photos and she handed them back and asked if I didn't have a 3 X 5. 

When I got pregnant the 2nd time, she said I was pregnant again to make sure my husband was "good and tied down." 

For Christmas she gave me a magazine photo of Madonna shellacked to a piece of wood that she had bought when she felt sorry for a beggar.  She said she gave it to me "because it was so ugly, it would never fit anywhere in her house." 

I let my husband choose where to spend the holidays, and he chose to be with friends, not her.   She was absolutely indignant that we didn't go to her place and blamed it all on me!  Unbelievable!    She also told me she could never get close to me because I have differing religious views.  Neither of her children even go to church!!!  This year, after 10 years of marriage, she announces to all her relatives in the kitchen "My how nicely you are fitting in!" as if I was some abominable creature for the past 10 years.

I am a professional, in charge of mentoring a lot of folks at work.  I bring home good wages, don't spend excessively, don't do drugs, or smoke, or swear.   On the home front we have 3 beautiful and talented children.  My MIL did give me an excellent husband, and I always try to remember that and wish blessings upon her, but now I am sick and tired of her.  No one should have to put up with these constant barbs.  We don't choose our family, but we do choose how much we are around them.  I give up."

Comments

It's so hard, isn't it? You just have to accept that it's her problem and actually nothing at all to do with you personally. It's absolutely out of your hands and there's nothing you can do to change her. I find that sometimes (sometimes!) helps me not to rise to my M-I-L's bait but God it's hard!

[Admin]

I think you should give your self permission to give up. Think about how to manage the relationship to make yourself happier and less stressed. Let the husband take the kids to see her and go get a pedicure! You have our permission, you've tried hard for 10 years for pete's sake! good luck!

[A]

Wow! Your story is amazingly similar to mine! I don't know what to do either. I have decided that all I can do is be polite and create opportunities for my kids to have a relationship with their Grandmother, and not give resistance to my husband trying to have a relationship with his mother. That's it... just be polite. We don't have to like our MIL's and they don't have to like us. We've got to quit seeking affirmation from our MIL's because that's an unhealthy/abusive place to look for it. Thanks for sharing that story. I'm glad to know I'm not alone and not imagining things as my husband would suggest.